Serious fun

Kindergarten is all about the Fun. The Chinese teachers take the lessons seriously and you have to come up with the goods every time. This is seriously planned fun. Keeping almost forty six year olds engaged for an hour and a half is no easy undertaking. Not only do you need to teach them the target language constructively but you have to keep things moving so that they don't get bored. This entails a relentless pace of teaching, playing language based games, singing songs and coming up with ingenious ways to explain things. I'm fortunate that the kids are fantastic as are the four Chinese teachers I work alongside. I thoroughly enjoy the kindergarten days and have built up nice relationships with the kids, the teachers and even some parents. Last week I was awarded with some gifts.

One was a tissue paper flower given to me by one of the teachers.

Another was a romantic note from one of my favourite students, Harry.  

The car park at kindergarten

 

My working days are taken up with the most delightful company and a whole lot of seriously organised messing around. What's not to love?!

Talentless show

In a break from the routine we had a day off for Qingming Festival, otherwise known as Tomb Sweeping Day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qingming_Festival.

This was followed up by two days at school that required no teaching due to the participation in a national English speaking competition. It's a bit like Pop Idol but with kids speaking English and performing a special talent, like singing, telling a joke, playing an instrument or in one unforgettable instance a thirteen year old boy who wowed us with his magic trick; it was a paper model of a UFO which he dangled from his finger with a very visible piece of string. He twirled the UFO and said that he was holding it in the air by magic. This went on for a little over 5 minutes before the string snapped and I could contain my guffaws no longer.

Some nervous faces in the waiting room

 

All of the teachers were required to be the judging panel and score each child on their linguistic prowess plus their expressions and general performance. I was with one of my Chinese Teachers, Alice.

 Alice and Glinda, the two teachers I work alongside.

 

 One of my managers, Brian, Emily and Dave preparing to be judgemental

Some kids breezed through, some had stage fright and froze and some spoke in unintelligible Chinglish. It was a hoot to watch and we also enjoyed giving the student we both dislike intensely very low marks, because we are mature like that. The winners go onto the next round and the ultimate competition will be held in Beijing. The whole process is being filmed for CCTV (China's state television channel) so I have unexpectedly kicked off my new career in telly. Move over Cowell.

As with everything else, it was a communal effort to get the marketing balloons blown up and ready to dish out.

 Fish, my other manager

 

Fish and her husband Sean

Mr Yu, whom I call Mr Fixit cooking up a storm in an empty classroom. He cooks for us each weekend and his food is goooooooooood.

 Mrs He

Da Management. Fish and her parents Mrs He and Mr Yu who own the schools and the apartment in which I live. They're a great family and I'm fortunate to have landed on their patch.

Same same, but different

Copyright infringement does not trouble the minds of our Chinese friends. Here are a couple of examples of prime rip-offery:

Haizhou Hijinks

The hilariously named Haizhou Wholesale Mansion is a higgledy-piggledy collection of shops and stalls in a roughly hewn assembly of corrugated metal and concrete alleyways, in Haizhou (pronounced Hai-Jo), another of Lianyungang's many districts.

 

It houses what is effectively a department store where you can buy almost anything that you need, from kitchenware to clothing, electronics to beauty products, artwork to tools and is contained within the inevitable throng of food carts.

 

 

 

 Love Candy anyone?

 

No you are not seeing things. These are hologram willies for your living room wall.

Badly translated and, frankly, bizarre stickers.

This place offers a fascinating and unbiased insight into everyday Chinese life. The style and diversity of the products tell you all you need to know about people's shopping habits.

 Shoe shop

 Towels

 Wadding for combating the persistent cold

Oh bumholes, what have we forgotten to do with this display...?

 

 

As you know, one of my previous bizarre professional incarnations was as a fabric merchant. I am no stranger to materials that can both delight and startle but nothing can prepare you for the madness that is Chinese taste in bedding. The first clue was when I first moved into my apartment and was shown my brand new bedding. The sentiment was not lost on me and I was and am grateful for the care that has been directed my way, but sweet mother of god – what’s up with people’s vision? Does everything have to be SO LOUD?!

 

 There are some really beautiful goods on offer - you just need to root around.

Red is the only colour that really matters in China and this is reflected, in amongst many other things, in the wedding business. Haizhou Mansion has myriad wedding supply vendors and paints a vibrant picture of what is involved in a Chinese wedding. I have not had the pleasure of attending one but have been told that it works very differently to our typical booze-filled extravaganzas.

Wedding bras

Wedding mirrors

 Wedding party cups

 Wedding 'aged' eggs. Grimace if you will, but they are very popular.

 The British seaside meets China! Titter!

 Wedding gift boxes, to fill with sweets

 Wedding bedside lamp. Ideal nightmare fodder.

 His'n'hers plastic wedding cups.

 Weddin' beddin'

And, erm....more wedding stuff!

Typically a Chinese wedding will involve the official marriage which, as it does in European countries, happens prior to the ceremony.  The pomp happens at a later date and will include lots of food, some Baijiu and an abrupt end as soon as everyone had finished eating. As previously reported, there is no post-scoff lounging here. As is customary at soirées in the West, you eat then you sit around for hours digesting, talking and enjoying a drink or three together. Here, as with many other facets of life, it is function over aesthetic; purpose over pleasure. This is something you see in various forms every day. Does it work? Yes – then it doesn’t matter what it looks like. Do I need a piss? Yes – this lamppost will do, nevermind the hundreds of people here. Do I need to blow my nose? Yes – I’ll expel on the street. No need for tissues. Does this shop sell stuff? Yes – no need to take stuff out of boxes to display. Do I need to get on this bus? Yes – push and march; no need to offer any courtesy to anyone else as they are also pushing and marching. This is a no-nonsense place and although I spend much time disliking things like the inescapable witnessing of bodily functions, I like the candid and direct nature of things. There is an honesty here that is missing behind the gloss and sheen and impeccable manners that I am used to.

 A bike with walls!

 Canal near my apartment, en route to Haizhou

 Ingenious make-shift table inside the 'Mansion'

 Crufts dissident

 One of the many reasons China has such poor air quality. Haizhou electricity plant. It's touching that they've decorated the chimney with Mediterranean detailing...

At the other end of the road is a recycling plant. Quid pro quo!

 

What day meandering around the shops is complete without a few drinkies at the end? We downed some real German beer and chatted to various people, including these guys, one of whom appears not to quite grasp the intricacies of the V sign. Excellent!